sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
