You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
