I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
