we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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