Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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