; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
