I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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