There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
