He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
