I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
