I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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