i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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