you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
