there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
