Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
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Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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