"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
not ubering you a puppy
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
