my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
