YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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