i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
