I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She bit a glass in half.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
