i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My dick has a subreddit
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
