The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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