yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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