i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
