She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
