well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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