grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
