I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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