i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
