dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
