Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
