I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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