who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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