yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
