I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
