mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
