We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
