So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
