i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
