i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
