So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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