i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
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Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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