the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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