he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
