u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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