how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
