a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
