Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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