Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you made out with another girl for some wings
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
