haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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