We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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