i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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