woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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