I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
