And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
