dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
