im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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