Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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