Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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