I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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