i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Houston, we have a squirter
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
