They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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