toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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