My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize