whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
