4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
