Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
did i walk over a car last night?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
