i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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