Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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