Dignity is for republicans.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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